I started a blog a few years ago, but only to keep up with my married friends and family members. However recently, I read some blogs that have....inspired me to say the least. Don't expect these deep insightful entries though. I'm not great with words, or expressing my thoughts, but I would like to try.

Here I am, thousands of miles away from home at BYU in Provo, Utah. I don't know anybody here, and I'm always searching for a familiar face to bring me comfort. I loved Virginia. I was comfortable in Richmond, at VCU, and in the Singles Ward. But for some reasons I don't fully understand, the Lord wanted me here. Growing up on the East Coast, I stood out. I was that girl everyone noticed because of the way I dressed, spoke, and acted. Here, I feel just like everybody else. I blend in, and fall into the cracks. I didn't grow up like these girls out West - knowing how to tease my hair, do my makeup, and "get" guys. So I decided to focus on my academics and studying theater and dance.

I grew up around theater, and it's something I've always been in love with, whether I was the star of the show or backstage. However, I didn't start dancing seriously until way later in life. I was involved in everything performance wise in high school and I knew I wanted it to be a career. Then I came here. I found out - I'm not good. There are people here that are way better. That know the ins and outs of dramatic literature, that have had acting coaches and trainers. I was in class the first week and didn't have a clue what they were talking about.
Then there is dancing. Girls here having been dancing since they were 2 and definitely outshine me. I have the love and passion for it, just not the technical ability. I can't kick as high, stretch as far, or leap as long.
I don't know what to do. I thought I had everything figured out. I'm a Senior, I should be graduating soon, and I don't know what to major in. Once again, I was in the top of my class back home, I thought I was smart! I come here, and so is everyone else. I don't know what my talents are now. I don't know what I'm good at. I'm afraid to end up as one of those girls in el ed, that don't ever finish because they are just here to get married. I feel like everyone has their niche, except me. I don't want to lose my ability to stand out, but I feel like I'm barely treading water here. SCARY!

Hopefully writing my feelings will help me learn where I want to go. My goal here is to find out who I am and flippin what I should do with my life. I need to find some good friends. It's hard not having anyone to talk this stuff through with. I've tried to be optimistic and reach out to people, but no responses yet; super lame. But I won't give up. I'm here because I'm supposed to be, and I will make the best of it.

To the people who actually are reading this, thank you. Thanks for making me feel like you care. I promise, my future entries will be positive!